Call Nine-Whine-Whine

That's what my dad told me I should do last night. He's right. I'm a big time whiner at the moment. But I have good reason. Everything hurrrrrrts (insert whiney voice here for comedic effect)!

It started out with me waking up Tuesday morning with my right leg about to fall off. (Yes, I'm being dramatic.... duh) I had these weird shooting pains through my thigh muscles, but it wasn't the kind of thing where I could figure out where a knot or cramp was that was causing it. It was a painful mystery. But Tuesday evening Jonathon and I had child care time scheduled at our gym so that we could go to spin class together. Child care time is somewhat difficult to get at the time you want it for, so I didn't want to pass up this opportunity. So I went to spin! And quickly found that it hurt even worse to spin with my right leg. So I did what anyone in my situation would do... I biked with my left leg only. For the whole hour long class. So of course by the time I got home my left hip was all screwey. All of that added up to me not sleeping well, so I've been super exhausted and had some pretty nasty headaches as a result of lack of sleep. But all of that was mostly fading until yesterday when I made my dumbest move yet... I was driving home from retrieving my latest freecycle score, and Cadence was playing with a rattle in her car seat. She accidentally dropped her rattle and it rolled onto the seat behind me. This was, of course, the end of her little world as she knew it, so she began to scream. Being the awesome mommy that I am, I decided that I should probably fix the problem by, you know, getting the rattle for her. Obviously. So I placed my left hand firmly on the wheel, glanced backwards to make sure I know where the rattle was located, and then reached back for it with my right hand. While driving. As it turns out, our awesome Ford Edge has a lot of wonderful, super comfortable leg room. Which means that my super long swimmer arms just weren't super long enough. So in a moment of genius, I decided that if I just push back against the seat I'll be able to reach the rattle. (at this point, Cadence was basically over the loss of the rattle, but Mommy was determined to solve the no-longer-existant problem) So I push... and then I push a little harder... and then POP! Turns out the car is stronger than my shoulder. It wasn't an audible pop, just a feel-able one. Yes, feel-able is totally a word. I'm not sure what I did exactly, but it hurts. My shoulder is still usable. I can hold things like a baby or a box of books (yes, of COURSE you should try to clean out your storage closet after an incident like this!) but if I push in the right spots, I pretty much want to die, and I have a constant aching pain that has spread all the way up my neck to about my ear, and clear down through my hip. I also have sharp discomfort and joint stiffness through my elbow and into my fingers all as a result.

So clearly, I wasn't going to be able to sleep any better after that than I had been before. My oh-so-wise father recommended alcohol... way ahead of you pops. But about 5 hours after the beer (which, by the way, was an Oktoberfest brew, which means fall is coming, which makes me happy!) I was still in pain and still wide awake at 2am. So I went fishing in the medicine cabinet. Aha! The vicodin left over from my c-section should do the trick! So I popped my pill and went back to bed. Two more hours later, still wide awake and in just as much pain as before, (perhaps year old vicodin is not as effective as brand new vicodin... who knew?) I pulled out my phone and started playing Word Mole. Because that's almost as good as seeing a doctor. An hour after that I got up and went out to the couch. Sometimes you just need something different to sleep on. While I didn't fall asleep, I did manage to get a little bit more comfortable. Then my husband's alarm went off and I got up and showered with him and then decided it would be a stellar idea to blog about how I'm not sleeping and how completely ridiculous it is that I injured myself by getting a freaking rattle... it's 7:42 now and I still didn't sleep for even a minute. Cadence will probably wake up in the next hour or two. Should be an interesting day. I'll probably have to do what my dad recommended and call Nine-Whine-Whine to ask for a WHAAAAmbulance. Which is his not-so-subtle way of saying to quitcherbitchin and deal with it. And now that I've spewed out all of my complaints (for the time being of course. Let's not get too crazy here) in one blog, that's exactly what I plan to do.

I will stop complaining, try to get an hour or so of sleep, and then start my Friday off by watching this epic video to warm my heart with good cheer. The end.